Today's mood

Today all the sudden I felt like I lost something that I used to have.

Feeling deep down that, things changed, and people change.

I do not know what got into me today but it feels like, I ended lonely and somehow wished that someone would know about it.

All that I used to have and the people that comes and goes in my life. It just making me feel like I can't bare to let someone else to be as close to me because I will not know when they will leave me again and the feeling really sucks. There are friends saying that I'm just thinking too much or its me the one that wants to avoid everyone.

I do not deny the fact that I'm avoiding people and having this phobia that once someone is too close to me... or when my emotions are attached to them... I will feel the pain whenever they decided to leave.

Experienced all these over and over again, really turning me down. Way down until I don't whether I should trust someone to be near me once more. There are also friends saying that I accept someone as a friend very easy and I'm being very naif in life. In order for me to grow up, some of them even try their best to hurt me to wake me up. But it really hurts. more like very.

I thought of it for awhile. Tears are filling up my eyes. Finally, now i come to realize that I lost myself in all these issues... no wonder they say friends really gives big impact in your life. I strongly agree to it.

For me to be as care free as before. seems impossible... I tend to think more that makes me more miserable and I really hate it. Fight as I might against all those thoughts, flashes of those times on how much I was hurt back then. Tears myself apart once more.

As for now, I don't know what else to think of but to drunk myself up with work loads and .... well is there anymore that I can think about for the time being?

I think its about it for today...