Today's mood

Today all the sudden I felt like I lost something that I used to have.

Feeling deep down that, things changed, and people change.

I do not know what got into me today but it feels like, I ended lonely and somehow wished that someone would know about it.

All that I used to have and the people that comes and goes in my life. It just making me feel like I can't bare to let someone else to be as close to me because I will not know when they will leave me again and the feeling really sucks. There are friends saying that I'm just thinking too much or its me the one that wants to avoid everyone.

I do not deny the fact that I'm avoiding people and having this phobia that once someone is too close to me... or when my emotions are attached to them... I will feel the pain whenever they decided to leave.

Experienced all these over and over again, really turning me down. Way down until I don't whether I should trust someone to be near me once more. There are also friends saying that I accept someone as a friend very easy and I'm being very naif in life. In order for me to grow up, some of them even try their best to hurt me to wake me up. But it really hurts. more like very.

I thought of it for awhile. Tears are filling up my eyes. Finally, now i come to realize that I lost myself in all these issues... no wonder they say friends really gives big impact in your life. I strongly agree to it.

For me to be as care free as before. seems impossible... I tend to think more that makes me more miserable and I really hate it. Fight as I might against all those thoughts, flashes of those times on how much I was hurt back then. Tears myself apart once more.

As for now, I don't know what else to think of but to drunk myself up with work loads and .... well is there anymore that I can think about for the time being?

I think its about it for today...

**Days with Manual Car**

Ever since my baby car is in the workshop to be repaired... Gosh how much i missed it~~ but~~ in the meanwhile~~


The fun with MANUAL CAR!!!

golly, its been a while I drive manual car... so~~ you can just imagine how eager am I to drive it !! ~~ a very cute kancil that my lovely aunt lent to us for these few days



Very cute isn't it~~ WAKAKAKA!!


Moving on to the driving experiences~~

Since its manual... there are clutch, brake and accelerator... and of course the gear box~~ the lovely one... with the most fuss among all of them....and when you able to drive smoothly~~ the car will of course move very smoothly~~

if not...


Oh yeah~~ you will never feel anymore alive if you where in a ride with me in this car~ Because you will feel as if you are in ~~


Oh yeah babe~~ at the end of our destination your hair will be like this~~


Ok he is not ready yet~~ Oh well its something like that~~ WAKAKAKAKA!!


just then ~~ there are warnings everywhere from my beloved friends a.k.a Honeys~ WAKAKAKAKAKA!!

*HEY!! BECAREFUL*
*Are you sure?*
*you must be kidding*
*Hey Girl!! You CAN O NOT!!*
*Make sure you don't mati engine at the Roundabout*
*I should buy more insurance*
*Have a nice ride*
etc....


OMg........

CeleBrities For the Night!!!!!!! wakakaka!!!

OMG~~~
LAST NIGHT WAS SOMETHING~~~

it was a very nice night when we got to A1 cafe nearby pelita area~~


yeah ~~ i didnt get the picture of the night ~~ so let us imagine ya~~ WAKAKA!!

as i was saying~~ it was a wonderful night~~ and before i send my honey lena back to villa~~ we went out for supper... we laughed and joke around as we walked to the coffee shop. As we walk to the table that we wanted to be seated kan... and once we pull our respective chairs~~~ all the sudden...



omg its so embarrassing la~~~ fortunately the power went back on a few seconds later... then everyone were looking at us as if we are the celebrities of the night~~ which I think we already were since we touched those chairs... WAKAKA!!

WAKAKAKA!!!

we settled down and we continue with our girl's talks~~ and lena honey was enjoying her meal~~~ with the bahagia face~~~~
YESH~!!! just like this ~~ cute kan~~ WAKAKAKAK!!

moving on~~~ as we were happily talking and all right, there was something waiting to jump into the scene and causes a big chaos...... it was a silent attack and it was coming from below where people least expected when they are in they highest mode... it took this opportunity to attack...


OH YESH!! it is the best dark sneaker....always awaits us from the very dark corners of our areas and waiting to MAKE IT 1ST STRIKE!!! WUUUAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! **FAINT**

and that is my lena's NO.1 BIGGEST FEAR OF ALL!!!! WAKAKAKA!! she pushed her chair to the back and swing as hard as she could to take the cockroach off her body!!! **lucky its not on me** hehe!!!

well kasian her also la ~~ coz yeah... after tat~~ everyone looked at us once more~~ coz she was screaming~~....... *i donno how am i going to face everyone next time if i were to go there again * *sniffs*

She lost her appetite to eat and we continue on laughing about the matter~~ WAKAKA!!! we are good in switching modes aren't we~~WAKAKAK!!

We were happily talking and talking until one green person came along and BOOM!!! GRABBED US FROM BEHIND!!! ME N LENA SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF OUR VOICES !!!! OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!! ** omg u wouldn't want to know who was that WAKAKAKAKA**


and well folks... you can tell how famous we get ourselves into while we just want to have a simple supper.... sigh.... its a good thing that we are the center of attraction though~~ WAKAKAK!! I bet lena going to kill me for this WAKAKAK!!!

From the start we happily walking into the shop~~ and we coming out with a shocked face!!! WAKAKA!!! omg its more like


oh well we had fun anyway~~ WAKAKAKAKA!!!

WUHOoo!!!!

YEAHA!!!! weekends starts already!!!

but too many assignments going on and same goes to my ass being glued on the chair just to keep up with the deadlines ler...~~


Omg~~ How i hope i look like her~~ but not the work please~~ i would be

nunununu!!! the thoughts of it ~~ just nonono my pretty face~~ cannot cannot~~ WAKAKAKA!!

Actually recently I'm pretty tired... thinking of each day there is something going to due and all... and I don't even have the time to think about any other stuffs~~ which is a good thing which helps me to get away from a lot of unnecessary issues!!



I'm so going to have my good night sleep within these few days~~ and complete my ASS!!! huh!!! golly its going to be a long weekend... WHICH IS GREAT!!!! WAKAKAKAKA!!!!

The Nightmare once more?!!! how Could this be...

GOsh this is like the 11th time I had the same dream about what happened way back when I was in form 4... terrible experiences and all~~~ flashes and pieces of them flying back to me one by one...

It took me quite long to get all of them over with... but I'm just being very naive in having such thinking that everyone able to forgive and forget... I never blamed what happened back then but still the pain and memories just stuck in my mind... Feelings or thoughts of vengeance never once appeared and never did until now...

There are a lot of times that I wished that I able to talk to them once more and thank them for all those lessons that they showed to me...

everyone would say... your best friend will be yr best enemy in life... but to me this phrase... I interpret it as...

A best friend knows what is best for you and through pain and betrayals... you will begin your process of growing up *^.^* alot of people told me that im just being silly but i really meant what i say here ~~

For those friends who cares and loves you... yes they do but you need to have bad experiences to bring up the good ones in your life... that when appreciations and gratitude comes in *^.^*

In order to learn more is to fall hard... and not everyone can do that to us... and it takes a big courage for those who able to hurt another person whom they were once close with...

Ever since I started to join back clubs and all... there is always a part of me holding back in terms of trust.

Things that once easy for me seems to be so hard now... All i can do now is to remind myself about the past and make my own judgments on people's behaviors... As much as I want to live on, that is as much I want to fight my phobias on my past emotions!!! its never easy when you need to fight against yourself just to live on a better live.

Trying my best not to be someone's burden, oh well yes i still a burden for others~~ all those don't, wouldn't, can't and no's, just happen again and again and ~~ oh well yeah again!!!

In the nutshell, I'm just like any other people. But my will still very fragile to be all out there... ^^ no matter how hard is it!! I WILL MAKE IT THERE ONE THERE!!!

** refer to my wish list**

SATURDAY!!!!!!!!

Today becoming a driver~~~ wuuuuuuuuu.... super tiring....

Let me tell you about how today's routes goes~~~

From my home to the middle of the town~~~

From middle of the town to Morsjaya~~ (that is If you know how far it is)

From Morsjaya to e-mart ~~ then up to e-mart again~

From e-mart to the middle of the town~~



Blurred already?? WAKAKAKA!!

Till have no idea how far~~~ JUST KEEP READING AS YOU ARE NOW!!! WAKAKAKA!!! Anyways~~~


From the middle of the town to e-mart again~~

From e-mart to AIRPORT!!!!

From airport to morsjaya~~~

From Morsjaya to PARKSON!!! **Merry Brown**

From Parkson~~ to~~ FINALLY HOMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!




Oh yeah~~ A Saturday~~~~ omg~~ you would want to know what we got from all of these trips!! WAKAKAKAKA!!!

MY WISH LIST!!!!

GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!! i haven get the chance to have any picture any graduate pictures huhuhuhhuhuhuhuhuhu well yeahhh wakakakaaka!!!

look like me ma?~~~ wakaka! if can't~~ well JUST DO IT TILL YOU CAN SEE MY FACE IN THESE PICTURES!!! WAKAKAKAKA!!!!


MY TRIP BACK TO MACAU!!!!! It's one of my wish to be there again and I really love the atmosphere over there~~~ gentle breeze and the air is so refreshing!!! yeah i know it is well known for their gambling world~~~ but still the scenery are really something that I would hope to experience once more...~~~ **** my love****






NEXT!!! HaWAiiii~~~~!!!




OMg~~ ah lu la lummm ah hu la huuuu~~~going on vacation with my fnf~~



NEXT JApan!! Cheery BlooSmmm




SING WITH THE STARS!!!! OH YESHH!!! WOOO HUUU!!!!




still got what ah...~~~ WAIT!!!



next post ba~~ WAKAKAKA!!

I'm Bakie~~

Wow its long since i last log into my own blogspot~~ i even forgotten my blog url !! wakkakakak!!!

oh well this is the new sem~~ but i felt like its going to be a tough one since its a lot for me to catch up and concentrate on....

All these times i felt blessed in many ways!! i got the people who always there fighting for me and pampers me whenever i needed them~~ thanks ya~~

But there is always something stuck in my mind... no matter how straight forward am i in my thinking as well as my daily routines in life.... i begun to learn that, there are always something that you wish to keep to yourself and a part of you thinking that its over while you know it hasn't because the issue is living within you...

I felt much and cried much over and over each time, but just like this Chinese saying that "you suffered but no one will know" even with the big smile and all those laughter that I've painted on my face... hoping that everyone wouldn't see through them....

I begun practice another mindset of thinking in stead of focusing on what I don't want, to something that I want instead!!

Feeling about all the happiness and excitement that I will be experiencing when i have my wish list granted!!

Though its not easy but hey~~ Its me, I don't mind anymore about the past or what happening to me now... what i care the most is the me that i want to be and wished to accomplish!!!

I don't have a very smooth sailing through my love life... falling for the one that I couldn't be together with, but those I can't do much as i told myself that I love myself much and making sure that I'm ok and avoid hurting myself further with all those mental tortures that I had been experiencing *^.^* it was a great lesson learnt and I'm not regretting anything from all these as I know there are other things in life that I could focus on to have !!

In terms of friendships... I don't how to keep my friends happy when they are at their lowest... and sometimes i hate it when i can't do much but to make things even worse for them as it already is.... i always feel insecure and felt that im not worthy to be with the ones i'm with actually... as if there is a contrast of standards whenever im standing beside them.... well maybe is that myself esteem is not that high after all like what it appears to be *^.^*

Day by day I tell myself that its going to be a better day one day and im looking forward to it!! as miracles do happen and that's what im believing in!!!



***TiUt TiuT***